Happy and Blessed Easter

Easter has been a special time of year for me. It lands in the spring, the season of rebirth and hope. The grass is beginning to sprout. The long winter is finally coming to an end. Depression lifts. The sun shines again and brings a new warmth to the ground. Lakes and rivers swell with the thawing snow and ice.

Easter has always been a kind of “turning point” period in my life. It’s when a lot of the big changes that took place happened in my life. As a child Easter used to scare me. Well, not Easter exactly. But it was the time of year I would think of death and life after. Perhaps the story of the Passion put death at the forefront of my thoughts.

I spent more than a few nights as a child scared out of my wits. I didn’t like the idea of living forever. Being raised Catholic I was taught that after death we would spend forever glorifying God and singing to Him in heaven. Which is a beautiful thought. Peaceful. Nice. I pictured a scene of white and gold. I was in the presence of angels gathered around God who I saw as a golden light without a face. And I was singing.

And I was bored. After a while, the thought scared me. At one point I think I even prayed to God that if I die to just let me die and not make me live forever and ever doing nothing but singing. And even now the thought brought a twinge of fear. The idea of never ending. Of going on and on and on.

The Only Time I Saw My Father Cry

Easter is the only time I’ve ever seen my father cry. He was reading the passion story to us from the Bible on Good Friday and he felt so much empathy that he couldn’t read the words. He was crying, sobbing as he read of the passion and the death. The pain and the hurt. My father was not a man who showed emotion easily. This is a very precious memory.

Easter is the time of year when we diagnosed my mother as having narcissism. It was a huge answer to a lot of our questions. We couldn’t understand why she wasn’t able to completely understand the concepts of love for others and respect. No matter how much we tried to explain it, she couldn’t seem to grasp the idea. Now knowing she has narcissism, it explains everything.

Easter is when I discovered I am an empath. When I realized that all these odd emotions that make no sense are not mine. That I am feeling the emotions of others around me. That these tears aren’t my pain. That this joy isn’t from my own life, but from another.

Easter Is A Rebirth

This year, this Easter, is yet another rebirth for me. For the last year, I have been working very hard on me. To learn how to love myself. I have been trying to practice self-love. To stop putting my wants and needs on the back burner for someone else’s wants and needs.

This year, this Easter I feel a new me. I feel stronger. I feel like I’m learning who I really am.

This Easter I feel that my life is changing. I’m going in a whole new direction and it’s finally the path my life was supposed to take 20 years ago.
Easter may just be my favorite holiday of all.