Yes, Emotional Abuse Really Does Exist

I have touched on this topic a few times before in this blog. I’ve been told there are some who believe that emotional abuse is a made-up syndrome by counselors who have no idea what they are talking about. Of course, these detractors usually have little formal education much less any further education on psychology or psychiatry.

While there is no set legal definition for emotional abuse, there are some general behaviors which usually show emotional abuse. These behaviors include but certainly are not limited to: being verbally agressive; using sarcasm and teasing as put-downs; being emotionally distant; isolation; and controlling or monitoring time, friendships and finances. Quite often an emotionally abusive person will have a Jekyll/Hyde personality. One day he or she is normal, charming and friendly. The next day something menial will set off the monster and the evil side appears.

It can be possible that the victim of emotional abuse is not aware that what is happening is abusive. The abuser can also be oblivious to his bad behavior. The worst part about emotional abuse is that it erases a person’s self-worth until they believe their life is worth nothing. They are left believing without the abuser they might as well be dead.

Emotional abusers are masters in their craft, using many tactics including manipulation, control and verbal agression to obtain the desired outcome. For some it’s about the power they wield over another person. Ironically, it is often because the abuser has such low self-esteem that there is a need to control another to build up the belief in himself.

Until the victim recognizes the abuse taking place there is no help. Even being confronted with the truth by a friend or loved one, they will not believe. Even once they do believe, they can’t always find the strength to get help or to leave.

Emotionally abusive people can change if they want to, but most often they don’t or won’t. So many times they see nothing wrong with their actions. They feel justified because in their minds the victim created the problem by making the abuser angry. Classic abuser line: “You made me do it because you made me angry.” Whether it was breaking something inanimate or injuring a human being, the excuse is always the same: I wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t made me mad.

Emotionally abusive people are not always physically abusive as well, but it can lead to physical abuse if it escalates. Abusers do not just wake up one morning and decide to be abusive. It gradually grows over time. The little teasing in the beginning becomes nagging. Slamming a frustrated palm on a table during a discussion grows into throwing a dinner plate across the room during a fit of anger. Throwing the dinner plate graduates into throwing a person across a room. It’s that easy.

There are many websites online to learn about emotional abuse, but one I found to be extremely helpful is this one:  https://liveboldandbloom.com/02/relationships/signs-of-emotional-abuse
It not only provides a list of examples of emotional abuse but it also gives helpful hints for trying to escape and heal from it.

If you are a victim of emotional abuse, seek help. Find a counselor to work with you. He or she can help guide you on a path to healing. There will be wounds and scars to address in days ahead. But waking up and finding your truth is the first step. Take that step. Find your path.