17 Years Of Heaven And Hell

Wow! You can’t believe I would use such a headline for a post about my wedding anniversary. Yes, on December 7, my husband and I will have been married for 17 years. However, I will not lie, nor pretend everything has been perfect. No marriage ever is. Heaven? Hell? It depends on the day, the moment, the hour. Would I do it again? Yes!

When we met in 1995, I was pleasantly single and had considered never getting married. My father had died six years earlier, but I was the oldest of the children. Therefore, my life revolved around taking care of my mother and five siblings. I wasn’t looking for love. Life was free and easy.

Ours was a whirlwind romance. When I met him, we clicked instantly. I say I fell in love with the space between his front teeth. Maybe it was his easy smile and teasing attitude. I felt I was in heaven in his arms. Whatever the reason, I was hooked.

In The Beginning

In the beginning days, we would meet at the local bar. We left for his house together. Before five o’clock in the morning, I returned to my apartment beneath my mother’s. There I would shower and change for work. However, within a month of meeting each other, we were living together.

The first years of any relationship are a struggle. Through it all, I still felt like it was heaven. The good days outnumbered the bad. Adjusting to a new partner takes time and a willingness to work together. Joining two individual lifestyles into one isn’t easy. For us, it was more difficult because we are both independent personalities. However, we were willing to make it work despite obstacles.

My mother was against our relationship from the beginning. She felt he was no good. “Poor husband material” she called him. Some of my co-workers said I could do better. He wasn’t good enough for me. If I had listened to everyone else, I wouldn’t have lasted the first month.

I only saw heaven in his eyes. There was gentle love in his touch. He was attentive to my needs. I wanted to do little things to make him happy. We loved to surprise each other.

Priorities Changed

While I didn’t abandon my family, they took a backseat in my life. My priorities had changed. That fact did not sit well with them. I had always put my life aside for theirs. This time I was putting my life first. It was a hard adjustment for them.

As months and years passed, more obstacles crossed our path. Difficulties seemed to hunt us down. Medical issues. Financial struggles. Family squabbles. There were moments it felt like hell on earth. Why did I stay? Why did he?

Stronger Together

But, as time has passed and I can look back now upon those years, I realize that all the times we wanted to quit made us stronger. We never let a night go by without saying “I love you” even if we were mad. We may have said it through clenched teeth, but we still said it.

And today, I won’t say it’s heaven. As with any couple, we have our moments. I’m sure there are days when he throws his hands up in exasperation at something I have either done or neglected to do. I know there are days when I would love to tell him to take a long walk off a short pier. However, Time has taught us that these moments are few and we get through them.

I don’t think any relationship gets to be heaven on earth. Maybe that is saved for the afterlife. But I know that all of the struggles, obstacles, and difficulties are not enough for me to give up. I’m in for the long haul. There’s been sickness and health, rich moments and poor, happy days and sad, but through it all, we faced it together and got through it.

I would say we are doing pretty well! Happy Anniversary, Dan. Thank you for holding my hand and walking through life together with me. I love you.