For Better Or Worse People Change

Appearances change. Sometimes personalities and friendships do too.

Within this last year, I have caught up with people from my past that I haven’t seen in many years. Different circumstances caused us to drift apart and lose touch. We each followed individual paths. Life went on separately.

Reunions can be joyous occasions. Or, they can be fraught with nervousness and caution, depending upon the details of the separation. Have we changed? Have we overcome our difficulties if we parted ways under uncertain circumstances?

Change Is Inevitable

Change is, of course, inevitable. None of us remain as we were even last month or last year. As we grow older and mature, life events teach us lessons to guide our decisions. Hopefully, we learn not to make the same mistakes we had in the past.

I am a forgiving person and understanding. However, I learn my lessons when dealing with people. If they give me cause to question their loyalty I remember that for future reference. They may not know there is a change in the status of our friendship. But I am more cautious in dealing with them.

Such is the case often when we reunite with people we knew “a long time ago.” If they hurt us previously, we aren’t likely to welcome them with open arms and blindly trust them not to hurt us again. We hope they change. But caution is the word of the day.

Some People Should Change

One of the friends I reunited with had no problems speaking about me behind my back. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was made aware of it later. It didn’t come as a surprise. This friend had done the same things before. She wasn’t one I trusted with secrets. Always the opportunist, she would use anything to further her own agenda.

I was grateful for the individual who revealed the indiscretion to me. It validated my mistrust of the friend as far as sharing intimate details. But, it is beneath me to cut ties with someone who needs help. A friend is still a friend. It’s sad to know she DIDN’T change over time. But, I will remain a friend nonetheless.

There are others in my life who are not much different than this one. I don’t trust easily. I may share secrets that aren’t secret with such friends, but I share my deepest secrets with only the most trusted individuals. The numbers of those are few. There are some who would insist we must cut ties with those who have done us wrong or hurt us in some ways. I don’t live by those rules.

If we always keep in mind the expression that “hurt people hurt people,” it helps us forgive those who hurt us. Treating our enemies with love and respect may be the change they require in their life to become a better person. That is always my goal. I refuse to hate. However, if a person becomes toxic, there is no alternative except to clear them from your life.

Change May Be Subtle

Change is present in those who remain in our lives all the way through as well. We may not notice it as much because the transformation is subtle over time. However, change is still there.

Have you checked yourself out lately? Are you the same individual you were last year? Or ten years ago? How have YOU changed? What might your friends think of the changes they have witnessed over time?

Change is inevitable, in ourselves as well as others. The best friendships survive because they can talk through hurt feelings to repair damages. They make adjustments to keep both parties happy.

What kind of friend are you?