Self-Blame Is Quicksand

I have friends who have been or are still in prison. Unfortunately, upon being incarcerated, they lost friends and family. While I do not condone the actions they were locked up for, I still consider them important to me. For this reason, I write letters to bring them help and comfort. One of the common denominators is a tendency for self-blame.

None of them expected to be in the situation they ended up. Bad decisions, life situations, and past emotional trauma were factors that played a part. Individually they handled things differently. One of them chose the path of silent acceptance. He did the crime. Now, he will do the time.

Another went in almost in a state of quiet shock. He couldn’t believe he did what he did. Self-blame took over early. And yet another was fully immersed in beating himself up.

Trying To Help Them Heal

As an empath, I can read their emotions in the words of the letters they send me. I use this extra sense to guide me as I help them through their time behind bars. Emotional healing is the gift of an empath. We know how to help others feel better.

However, I can only help others if they are willing to be helped. Advice ignored helps nobody. Self-blame is a hard one to guide someone through.

We don’t have to be arrested to have regrets. Self-blame isn’t limited to those behind bars. If we look back to our greatest regret, certainly we will recognize some self-blame within ourselves.

While I am not advising that we should be proud of our past mistakes, I am suggesting that we learn how to move past them. Wallowing in self-blame keeps us stuck. Just as if we were swallowed up by quicksand, we will not move anywhere if we are always beating ourselves up for past regrets.

We Have All Made Bad Decisions

All of us are human and prone to making mistakes. Sometimes these mistakes come in the form of life-altering decisions. If you are lucky enough not to have come to that crossroad in life yet, remember it’s only a bad decision away. Most of us strive to be the best we can be. However, life has a way of throwing a wrench in our plans.

The first step in moving past self-blame is to accept ourselves for who we are. Own our actions. The next step is to recognize that we know they were wrong and we will choose not to repeat those mistakes. Finally, in order to move ahead in life, we must forgive ourselves.

It is this third step which appears to be the hardest. Pointing fingers seems to come naturally to humans. Apparently, it is even easier to point them at ourselves.

But, you can heal and move forward. What I found to help was to recognize two distinct people within me – before and after “the event.” The person after the event knew better and wouldn’t repeat the crime. The person before needs forgiveness.

We judge ourselves harshly. Self-blame is good to recognize the fault in our actions, but then it’s time to move on. Forgive yourself and make a promise to do better with your life.

Also, if God forgives us all, who are we NOT to forgive? Are we better than Him?