December Daze

Well, here it is December again. When I was a child I loved December. That month between Thanksgiving and Christmas was filled with joyful expectation, peace, love, giving and sharing. Born in Wisconsin, I was used to the snow and cold and took it in stride.

Now, as an adult, I don’t like December as much. I don’t hate it or dread it, but it brings more stress. It was in December 1989 that my beloved father died unexpectedly. My life changed drastically. I have never been the same since that day.

My father died from a burst aneurysm in the brain driving home one night from a school board meeting. He was still alive when they found him, but in three days he was gone from us. I was 19 and the oldest in my family. Suddenly I had new responsibilities.

Gift Giving

Money has always been tight for myself and my family. Frugal spending wasn’t enough to build up a nice safe nest for rainy days, health issues and getting older. So, Christmas for me has always been a season of careful spending when giving gifts.

But, we always gave gifts. We learned how to be crafty. My mother taught me how to knit, and I taught myself how to crochet from a book. One year I hand made personal calendars with special family days entered in so nobody would forget birthdays and anniversaries.

As a child, there was always a spirit of peace and love and giving in the air. You could feel it. Or, maybe as an empath I could always feel it. Maybe others didn’t feel it as deeply. But I did. People smiled at strangers and offered more pennies to someone without any.

Holiday Stress

However, now it seems that is lost for the most part. Holiday stress and the expectations of expensive gifts and gatherings keep most people on edge and less patient. More people are trying to live on less income, or maybe the money just doesn’t go as far anymore.

Financial stress can be one of the hardest to deal with because it puts your very survival at risk. When you worry about food, water, and shelter daily, life doesn’t feel stable. (Or heat, if you live in Wisconsin!) If one is struggling with these, gifts seem like an impossibility. Yet, the guilt of not giving a gift is damaging to a person’s mental health.

With the availability of the internet and the rising cost of postage over the years, Christmas cards are seldom exchanged anymore. A yearly email update to friends and family just doesn’t have the same effect as a hand-written letter inside a Christmas card wishing you blessings for the holiday season and the new year ahead. How many even send a yearly email update anymore either? We’ve lost our personal connections.

Chill In The Air

December brings snow and cold to Wisconsin. As a child, I loved to make snow angels and snow forts. There were snowball fights with my five siblings and face washes with fresh clean snow. When a deep puddle froze over with ice, I loved to slide across and pretend I was ice skating. Cold never seemed to bother me too much.

Now, I’ll be 50 years old in two months and I’m afraid of snow and ice. Arthritis in my ankles makes them unstable. It’s scary to take a step and feel a foot slip, knowing that I can’t just catch myself on the other ankle. It isn’t going to hold me up on its own. So Dan has to help me walk on anything that isn’t dry.

The cold damp air is also not good for creaky aching joints, and December and January are notorious for this horrible weather. I may have a lot of energy to do something until I stand up to take a step and the pain knocks me back into my chair. And I stand up again, more slowly, more prepared to wait a few minutes until I can get flexibility and strength back into these sore joints. Pain zaps energy.

December brings seasonal depression for most of us living in a cold zone. Skies are often cloudy and gray. Apparently, Mr. Sun doesn’t like the cold climate either! Not being able to be outside as much as I used to, makes seasonal depression worse. It’s hard to fight through without the extra exercise you can get outside.

One Good Date

However, December isn’t all as bad as it sounds. There is a wonderful date I celebrate every year since 2001 – our anniversary. Dan and I were married on December 7, 2001. Eighteen years ago I stood in front of him and was very excited to be able to say “I DO”. We’ve both changed a lot since that date. There have been ups and downs. We’ve had arguments and disagreements.

Our first Christmas together was one of the best Christmas times I will always remember. We started out with next to nothing. We made the best of it. Dan cut down a small tree and I decorated it with popcorn strings and handmade ornaments. We bought a small string of lights. This tree wouldn’t have made the cover of a magazine, but it was the prettiest tree I’ll always remember for the love behind it.

Dan has had some serious medical issues along our journey together but we have survived them together. We faced them together, made lifestyle changes where we needed to and came out on top of them. Over time, my own health has fallen downhill but he has been there to help me through the hard steps.

From the beginning, there were doubters who said we would never last. There is a 19 year age difference between us. We are as unalike as two people can be. Yet, that works for us. We have the right things in common – independence, generosity, and love. We know the little things that make each other happy.

Ending and Beginning

Finally, December is the ending of a year. We are putting a cap on 2019 and as I get older I find I don’t like endings. I struggle to remember that the end of 2019 brings a new beginning of 2020. It’s something I’m working on.

However, like it or not, December is upon us and I don’t want to wish it away. Time is too precious to ignore today in anticipation of tomorrow. It is my hope today that I can make this December memorable in a good way.

What about you?