Change Is A Choice

There are a thousand adages and quotations about change. “Be the change you want to see … ” “Everyone thinks of changing the world … “ “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous change…”

We may not like it, but change is inevitable and unstoppable. And, that’s a good thing. Imagine how boring the world would be if everything always stayed the same. It would also be depressing. Bad things would always keep happening. Good things would too, but how often do we focus on the good things?

While we are working on trying to change ourselves, others are often trying to change us as well. They may think they have our best interests at heart. However, in all things, the reason they want us to change is because we are not living by their standards and lifestyle choices.

Right To Judge Or Not?

I saw something this morning that triggered these thoughts. Jillian Michaels, one of the trainers from the show “The Biggest Loser” is said to have made some remarks regarding the eating habits of Al Roker, weatherman, and co-host of “The Today Show”. Some comments about it said she had no right to judge him for his lifestyle choices. Others said she had every right to try to change his choices for his own health.

We may all have opinions, maybe strong ones, about this particular issue. It is MY personal belief that she should not have addressed her concerns publicly and instead took them to him directly and privately. However, in the world of celebrities, everything seems to be done in front of a camera.

But, as I was thinking about it this morning, one thought stood out among all the others in my head. People only change when they are ready to change for themselves, and the more we try to force them to change, the less likely we are to succeed.

For Their Best Interests?

We may truly have their best interests at heart. If we see an overweight woman eating a big chocolate brownie, we may instantly want to ask her, “Are you sure you should eat that?” Or, we may subtly suggest that the fruit cup is a cheaper dessert and healthier too. Of course, everyone knows an overweight person should avoid high-calorie foods.

But, do we stop to ask ourselves if maybe this is the first brownie she has had in 6 months and it’s a reward for losing 20 pounds? While she was celebrating a big milestone, we just killed her joy by reminding her how far away she might be from a final goal weight. Who are we to judge others for their personal choices?

Picture the same scenario, but some mean-spirited person said, “Hey fatty! Is that brownie going to go to your stomach or your butt? They both already have enough padding”. Does it really make a difference how it was said? Both comments have the same effect.

Suddenly those 20 pounds no longer feel like a milestone. They feel like a drop in a huge bucket. There is no joy in the taste of the brownie anymore. Instead, in each bite is bitterness and depression.

Words Hurt

Words hurt no matter who you are. Celebrities are just as human as the regular man on the street. It hurts to be insulted, judged or deemed a disappointment. We also all react differently to the same words.

In the scenario above, how might this woman react? Will she blow off the inconsiderate words, will she feel compelled to justify her reasons for eating the brownie, or will she decide it’s not worth it to keep trying to lose weight since she will be judged anyway for her actions?

To be completely honest, if I were that woman, I would more than likely have a second or third brownie and eat it right in front of them out of spite. No, it wouldn’t be healthy for me. But, I would take the attitude that, if I’m going to be judged, I’m going to make it worth it.

Being healthy is so much more than a number on a scale, and it encompasses more than just our physical health. It’s easy to stand in judgment of the choices of another, and hold them accountable for living a lifestyle different from ours. Then we start to expect them to change because we want them to.

Think of how hard it is for us to make changes to ourselves. We set resolutions at the beginning of the year, yet few of us ever follow through on these promises to ourselves. If we can’t even change ourselves, how can we expect others to change for us?

Set An Example

The best we can do to help others want to change is to set an example for them. Instead of telling them to lose weight, we can invite them to go for a walk with us. Have dinner together and make healthy choices for yourself. Withhold judgment of his or her menu choices.

Positive reinforcement goes a lot farther than negative feedback. But, all of it still involves judgment of someone else for their life. None of us know why someone else makes the choices they do.

Weight issues are only one reason people judge others. There are many others. People like to find fault with others to make themselves feel better. If we would each focus on our own lives and make the changes we need in ourselves, the world would be a better place.

People don’t change by force. They change when they are ready and they want to. Trying to change others by force tends to result in the opposite effect.

I think there’s a saying that fits better than all those quotations about change: Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Or, in other words, quit judging others until you are perfect yourself.