Do You Speak Your Mind?

Remember in high school, when there were the popular kids and the rest? If you didn’t wear the same type of clothes, or speak the same way, or frequent the same shops and restaurants, you were an outsider, a reject, unwanted and unloved. It was social suicide to be different and speak your mind.

The most progressive kids made up the popular crowd. They liked to buck the system, rebel against authority, and dare to be different. These kids weren’t going to be held back by rules. Rules were made to be broken.

Still Groups In Adulthood

We aren’t in high school anymore, but we are still fighting for a healthy social life. There are still the popular people and the misfits. No matter who you are, you belong to one of these groups. Which group you find yourself in will determine if you dare to speak your mind.

Today, it’s not safe to speak your mind if you don’t hold a popular opinion. Not only is it social suicide, but it can also mean your very life blood is on the line. There is no tolerance for the opinions and beliefs of those who are different anymore. People are losing family and friends alike for voicing their opinion.

We all like to think that our opinion is the truth. In our own minds, it IS truth. However, we are flawed humans and our opinions and beliefs are based on our life experiences and learning. No two people in the world share the exact same experiences and learning. Not even two siblings in the same household.

Few Are Open-minded

As a Christian, I proudly hold a more conservative view on life and the world. It feels more in line with my belief system. As such, it’s hard for me to understand those who do not hold the same ideas. But, I am not vain enough to believe that my personal belief system is the only correct one. I am willing to open my mind to the possibility that something else is correct and I’ve been wrong all this time about some things.

Unfortunately, I seem to be in the minority. Maybe the anonymity of social media has given people more courage to be pushy and rude and aggressive toward those who do not believe the same as they do. It’s one thing to speak your mind, and another thing to use those words to hurt someone else for their views.

Nobody has ever changed someone else’s mind by being rude and aggressive. Neither have they been successful at trying to shame another into compliance. Our strongly held beliefs win every single time against pressure from another person.

Social Media Is Painful

I’ve been limiting my time on social media lately for multiple reasons. First of all, life has thrown a curve ball and my husband and I are dealing with some medical issues coming earlier than expected. It has kept me too busy to waste time on my phone or computer.

But secondly, it’s painful for me to see all of the arguing and fighting online, the rude and aggressive words people have for others. Friends aren’t speaking to each other because of an argument they had on a social media site. Families are broken apart because one member is more progressive, more conservative, more liberal, more whatever, than the rest. Or maybe they are split in half and there are two “sides” within the family.

Agree to Disagree?

What happened to the days when we could talk to each other about how we believed and agreed to disagree amicably when we couldn’t find solid ground in common? Why do some people feel it is their duty to silence those who disagree with them?

I have a friend who recently “came out” as a supporter of President Trump. Why should she have to “come out”? Why wasn’t she able to speak how she felt all along? The answer, of course, is that it isn’t popular to be a supporter of President Trump.

Are They Truly Friends?

It seems that even people who hold no particular political stance themselves will jump on the bandwagon to criticize someone who is being figuratively stoned by others on social media. Perhaps it gives one a feeling of belonging. Or, maybe it’s done out of a sense of fear of being the next victim.

My friend lost a few friends for her political standing. But, I have to ask this: if they would not be a friend because she believes differently than they do, were they ever truly friends to begin with?

A true friend will let you speak your mind without fear of loss or abandonment. They may tell you directly that they do not agree with your beliefs. They might even ask you not to discuss those things with them again. But they will still be your friend, go out to dinner together with you, play a game, help you move, or carry on a regular conversation.

One thing I have learned on this journey called life is that not everyone is destined to remain in our lives. As we grow and change, we will outgrow those who no longer align with our beliefs and values. Sometimes this can hurt, because we lose people we dearly love.

Your Tribe Changes

When I was in my thirties, going out drinking with my friends a few times a month was a great thing to do. There were a group of us that would get together and spend a night drinking and partying. Then I got older, wiser, or maybe just more tired. I wasn’t as interested in the bar scene, the drinking scene, or feeling tired and washed out the day after. Slowly, those friends drifted away to live their own lives.

They were my tribe at the time. Now, I have a new tribe again. I have people in my life who align with the life I live now. I don’t go out to the bar to drink anymore. Finances certainly played a part in that decision, but as time has gone on, I feel no desire to live that life that I used to. While I miss those friends and the fun we had together, I recognize that our lifestyles are too different now.

So should it be for all of us. As we grow and mature in our thinking we will find our beliefs and values may change as well. When this happens, our tribe will change. Slowly we will find new friends who live as we do, believe as we do, and we will drift away from those who were a part of our old life.

No Mask

It’s not healthy to wear a figurative mask to hide who we are just to try to blend in. It didn’t work well in high school, and it isn’t going to work any better in adulthood. Instead, be bold and speak your mind. Say what you are thinking and believing. If you lose someone, they were not meant to be part of this leg of your journey in life. They will be replaced by someone who might be surprised to know you share beliefs.

Bullying, both online and offline, has become all too common and it seems to be accepted more than it should. It is never OK to be a bully. Nobody should be afraid to say what they feel and believe in.

There’s no need to defend your beliefs if you don’t feel comfortable enough. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you believe as you do. If they can’t accept you for what you believe in, it’s time to let them go and find their own tribe, leaving you an opening to allow a new friend in.

Speak Your Truth

It’s not healthy to bite your tongue, yet too many of us are doing it out of fear of retaliation for being different. But, if just one voice comes through and shows no fear, it gives courage to the next one to say, “me too. I’m with you.”

Be that voice. Speak your mind. Say what you feel and proudly share it. You can start small and come out in a small group setting. You may find another voice with the courage to say, “me too.” And now there are two. Grow your tribe by speaking your truth.