From Where Comes Your Strength?

I follow a good number of social media groups and pages dedicated to self-help, healing, abuse, narcissistic behaviors and similar topics.  This morning, author  Barb Schmidt had a post on  Facebook that resonated with me.  It labeled a master manipulator as someone who controls or influences others in a clever or unscrupulous manner.

Anyone who has ever been under the influence of a narcissist will immediately call that person to mind when they read this. This is a great description of someone with a narcissistic personality disorder.  But, when I mentioned the article to someone expecting them to drop a familiar name, they came up with the name of someone else. 

In fact, it isn’t just narcissists who are manipulators.  Anyone can use manipulation as a tool, especially if they find easy targets.  Furthermore, I will go so far as to say that I think it’s very possible that some manipulators are not even aware that they are doing it.

Most manipulators don’t start out with the intention to control or manipulate others.  I think on a core level they truly feel that it is their right and duty to change their target into a better person.  Perhaps they start out with the best of intentions.  And, maybe there is a way they can and do help someone change their life for the better.

But, it becomes a problem when the target, or student if you will, doesn’t learn to find his or her own strength in the process and continue to grow on his or her own.  Reliance on the mentor or teacher creates dependence.  From this dependence, the mentor can grow to become the manipulator, even without realizing it.

Some of the strongest people are also the most vulnerable in their own way.  People who we might think could never be influenced, might have been under the control of someone else with good intentions.  We each have our own “hot spots” that are tender.  Even though someone appears to be a brick wall on the outside, it doesn’t mean they aren’t filled with marshmallow creme on the inside.  We can put on a strong front while trembling inside.

Each of us has vulnerabilities and tender spots based on events and traumas of our past.  As we work on these, we grow stronger.  As we take our strength back we take power away from these vulnerabilities.

The strongest among us find our strength not from others, not from teachers or mentors, but from within.  It doesn’t happen overnight, and it isn’t an easy course to take. 

There’s a lot of pain in the learning.  It takes perseverance and a desire to grow.  One must be willing to be independent and accept that falling is inevitable.

But the truly strong people learn that their strength comes from inside.  They learn to love and trust themselves without a need for validation from others.  These people can stand in the presence of a master manipulator and be confident in their own strength.