2021 Out You Go! Here Comes The New in 2022

It’s the final week of 2021 and we are heading into 2022! I had a different post written to publish for the end of the year, but after I had it all set to publish I still didn’t like it. It sounded too much like an outline of 12 months. There wasn’t a lot of feeling or heart in it. If anyone knows me, I’m all about feelings and emotions. My final post for a year should express my emotions of the year.

I went into 2021 not knowing what to expect. Social Security still had not approved my Disability claim. My health situation had not improved. My husband’s health was no better either. I was still in therapy for depression and anxiety.

Sorting Through Memories

I kept busy the first part of 2021 sorting through shoeboxes filled with paperwork and keepsakes I had stored in an upstairs closet. There were boxes dating back over 20 years. I still had bills from my first apartment in 1991. (Can you imagine a cable bill for less than $50 that included TWO premium channels?)

I was not in any shape to be climbing the stairs up to that closet, but I needed to do it. There were days when I literally was crawling up there on my butt just to get up there. Call it stubbornness on my part, but I really wanted to get that sorting done. It took me about 4 months to reduce 25 shoeboxes and a few other boxes of various sizes down to 3 shoeboxes and one small tote of papers and bills that I returned to the closet. There were 8 garbage bags filled with paper that needed to be shredded or burned.

There were a lot of memories in those pieces of paper. Some I wish I had thrown away years ago. But, some I was grateful to have stumbled upon in the cold gray dreariness of a Wisconsin winter. I spent quite a few hours gazing off into the distance while my mind wandered back to the days of yore.

Finally Some Good News

In the meantime, my approval letter finally came through. It took 3 years and came with a lot of stress and struggle. That letter took a huge weight off my chest when it finally arrived. We wouldn’t have to rely on others for the very necessities of life anymore.

Being an independent person, it’s very difficult to be reliant on others to survive. I don’t trust easily to begin with. Too many times in my life I have been let down and disappointed by people I thought I could trust. Finally, I would be able to afford some of the things we had to give up while we were waiting.

Keeping the wheel balanced, with gain comes loss. While financially we gained solid footing, we lost people from our lives in 2021. Some were expected.  Others were not. You can never really prepare to lose a person, even when you think you have. A childhood friend who had been ill for many years died, and the loss hit me harder than I expected it would.   Two other deaths touched my heart dearly.  In August I reconnected with a couple I knew from my teenage years.  They both died in October, just 2 days apart.

Beginning Of a Long Journey Forward

I began to focus much more attention on my physical health this year. I’ve always had it in the back of my mind because I knew I was not healthy. I also knew my mental health played a part in my physical illness. But no matter how much I tried to work on my physical health I never seemed to accomplish anything.

This year when I met with my doctor I told him I needed to find a way to make things happen. I told him I needed help figuring out how to deal with my weight issues since nothing I had done seemed to work. He referred me to an endocrinologist in August. Working with her has helped immensely and as of this post, I have lost 50 lbs. There’s still a lot to go, but it’s a very good start.

At the beginning of 2021, my sleep hours had been almost non-existent. I was averaging about 3-4 hours/day and I doubt much of that was actually deep sleep. Furthermore, I obtained most of my sleep during mini-naps in the middle of the day instead of a solid block of sleep at night. So, I started working on changing my sleep schedule as well.

Now, about 4 months later, I am averaging about 6 hours/night and even getting about an hour or two of deep sleep. I’ve had to stop sleeping during the day no matter how exhausted I feel. I have always been a night person, so this was the most difficult change to make. I sleep easily during the day but it’s hard to sleep at night. However, I made a point to be down for the night by 10:00 PM even if I didn’t fall asleep until midnight.

I had honestly hoped for some relief in pain with the reduced weight, but so far that has not shown yet. But, in conference with my doctor, he thinks that is still a possibility in the future. Right now, he thinks it may be due to the fact that I have increased my daytime activity level which counteracts the relief of the lighter load on my joints.

Things Just Seemed To Get Better in 2021

As I look back upon 2021, I can see my life getting increasingly better as the year went along. It began quiet and slow. There were ups and downs along the way, which is normal for any year. But, there were things I had worried about that turned out better than I expected. Questions that I didn’t know I was asking were answered in ways I wasn’t prepared for. Things that I thought were tragedies turned out to be blessings.

My Christian faith has grown stronger this year because I’ve seen the hand of God work miracles. When I asked for help, it came in a manner I was not prepared for, nor did I even like. But, after taking time to meditate upon it, I realized God had granted me a blessing in disguise. It was a real moment of clarity.

It made me stop to think and wonder, how many times have I complained about something that made me miserable, when in fact, God was blessing me in ways I never even knew? With this viewpoint in mind, I am now looking forward to 2022.

New Year, New Me?

I feel like I am starting a whole new life with a whole new me. My mental health is strong and steady, and I’m working hard on my physical health. While I can’t undo the damage that’s been done, I can work to keep from any more damage happening. I’m learning not to fight whatever happens, but rather to accept and work with it instead. Change is inevitable. Fighting it tends to wear us out and we often lose anyway. I’m going to work with it as much as I can.

There’s a lot of people saying that nobody should claim 2022 as “their year”, but I’ve always been one who goes against the grain. And I’ll do it again. I’m claiming 2022 as MY YEAR.