People Come. People Go. And It’s OK

Today is April 24, 2023. It’s Spring in Wisconsin. The sun is out but it’s still cool. It’s one of those days when I have so much to do but I can’t seem to organize myself into actually doing something. I’ve been trying to get a post written for over a week now, but I haven’t been able to put together anything that is solid. So, today I’m going to work on putting words together, and my topic is people.

Little snippets of ideas for topics to write about run through my head a lot. I have notes all over the house and in various electronic devices everywhere. Usually, though, the best ideas come when I’m busy doing something else and there’s no time to take notes or write something up. But one of the things I’ve been thinking a lot about lately is the changing people in my life.

When you are young, you tend to believe that your people will always be there with you. Your family will live forever. Friends will never leave you. Somehow time will stop when it comes to relationships.

The truth is that those who are with us in our childhood are seldom still there in our old age. As we progress through our youth, playmates and school chums move away, transfer schools or otherwise become distant. Older relatives, like grandparents, uncles and aunts may die.

As we grow up and mature, the people in our life change with us. Those who are important at one stage are no longer important in the next. When we are children we care more about the responsible adults who we need to take care of us. But, as we mature and become more independent, those adults are cast aside like a winter coat on a warm Spring day.

A pattern similar to this will repeat itself over and over for the rest of our lives. The only thing which may change is the purpose each person will serve in our life. When we are children we need caregivers. As adults, we need support.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how the people in my life have changed over the past few years. If you had told me 5 years ago who the most important people in my life would be today I would have laughed at you. Because few of them are the people who were important to me then.

I had people I thought would never leave, couldn’t leave. And they left. Then there were people I thought I would never want to be away from, and I found myself slowly giving them distance because we were no longer compatible. I learned that being related by blood means nothing other than you share DNA.

While it’s hard to face, as I look back upon my life, there have been very few who had my back. There have been some who pretended to, some who tried to, but in the end, it turned out we were just too different. I couldn’t change to be who they wanted me to be.

I will never be someone who has to fit in with everyone else. “Keeping up with the Jones” is not my style. In fact, being different and standing out has always been my thing. And I could never change just to keep someone in my life. I’m an independent all the way.

In quiet moments, I have pondered the different stages of my life and the people that were in them. Now, a little older, (and hopefully wiser), I can see how I’ve changed and why those who are around me changed with me.

Unfortunately, when it feels like nobody ever stays in your life, it leaves you with trust issues. It may even leave you with self-esteem issues, wondering what you are doing to chase everyone away.

But, I think the stark naked truth is just that people come and people go according to who we are in the moment, and who they are. We are constantly changing. In our youth, we are wild and carefree. As maturity takes over we shed those who have not matured with us, and they are just as happy to see us go, for we are no longer compatible.

As we age even more, we may learn the wisdom of shedding those who drain us of our energy or who constantly pull us into their drama. We are too tired to deal with drama, continuous problems, or negativity. We want peace.

And that’s where I have been the last few years. I have been drawn to those who want peace, those who are content to live a quiet existence. There are some friendships I miss and am sad that we are no longer as tight as we once were.

One friend was so close we could read each other’s thoughts, and I’m sad that he walked away. But in retrospect, it was better for both of us. Our lifestyles have become too different. Another friend is engrossed heavily in his work and has little time for anything else. Our phone calls are less frequent and much shorter than they used to be.

The people who have come and gone will always have a place in my heart, but there’s no room left in my life. I used to feel that I had to force a relationship with people simply because they were in my life.

I was the first to initiate all communications. It was hard to try to keep them interested in being a part of my life. I realize now, that’s a waste of time for both of us. Relationships have a natural ending. And we need to let them go.

People come into our lives when it is their time. People go when it is time for them to leave. Few people are with us throughout our entire life. Those who are we can cherish. We can allow the rest of the people to move on to someone else that needs what they offer.