What Does “Support System” Mean?

As I was perusing Facebook the other day, I saw a meme that seemed particularly meaningful. It said, “Your support system should never gossip about you.” I wonder how many people realize what this means.

“Support system” means those people who you count on to be there when you need someone to understand you. They are there to offer a shoulder to cry on. People in your support system are the ones who listen to you when you have something bothering you and you need to get it off your chest.

Everyone needs these support people. These are the people we consider our intimates. We let our guard down and relax our boundaries with these people. We trust them with our deepest secrets and our hidden lives.

Support people have a responsibility to care for the trust that has been given to them. If someone shares a secret with you, it is with the expectation that it will remain with you. (There was an old saying that two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead!)

Being someone’s support person doesn’t mean you can share their secrets in confidence with YOUR friend, even if it is a mutual friend. It doesn’t include hinting about something they told you to another person, friend, or enemy.

“Support” means supporting that person like the legs support a table. Holding it up. Holding a person up. Supporting them in the things they do, even if they aren’t to your liking. Or, if the need arises, explain that what they are doing is not something that you can support them in and allow them to find someone else to support them in that endeavor.

A support person is usually a best friend or a family member. Someone who will love without condition, despite failings and fallings. It is someone we expect to be with us throughout our lives. Losing someone in this position can cause extreme trust issues that last forever.

Although the meme struck a chord with me personally, I think it is timely for others as well. There are others recently who have mentioned feeling personally stabbed in the back by someone they thought of as a friend.

Our society as a whole seems to have lost the whole concept of compassion, trust and loyalty. It’s worse than a dog eat dog world. At least in that scenario the losing dog dies. In our world today, the loser often lives through continual abuse, repetitive harassment and disrespect from people they may not even know.

Support people are important in our lives, but unfortunately today they don’t seem to be forever. We need to choose them wisely but never overlook the red flags. It’s better to separate from them if they can’t give you the support you expect.

And if you are someone’s support person, honor the trust they are giving you. It isn’t given easily, and losing that trust can be extremely damaging. If you can’t be that person, at least have enough courtesy to say, “I just can’t be your person anymore.” It gives you both the ability to go your separate ways.

But never ever give up the secrets they told you. Ending a relationship should never be considered permission to break a trust.