Living With A Cancer Survivor

My husband is a cancer survivor. Back in 2004 Dan was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. He is someone who does not run to the doctor with every little thing, so instead of making an appointment for him, we made an emergency visit. He had been growing weaker and weaker. We thought he had a flu that just wouldn’t quit. Instead it was a tumor the size of a softball inside his colon. I lost it when they told us the diagnosis although he said he already had an inkling. I wish he had given me fair warning. The doctor and nurse had to give me half an hour to collect myself before I could meet up with him again. I was a mess.

They scheduled his surgery a week later on Valentine’s Day. It was the first time we had ever spent any length of time apart. We were together 9 years by then and in all that time we barely spent 24 hours without seeing each other. The hospital was an hour drive away and I had to spend my time at home taking care of the house and the dogs so I couldn’t stay at the hospital with him.

The surgery went well. They removed a good portion of the colon and a couple lymph nodes which had been infected, but it seemed they got all of it. Still, they wanted him to do 12 chemo treatments as a preventative which gave him about 75% chance of it not returning. He managed 9 of those twelve before his body completely rejected the chemo.

Knock on wood there has been no relapse. No recurrence. He has returned faithfully for his colonoscopies when they came due and everything has been normal. I’m so grateful.

But it definitely changed our lives. Chemo did a number on his body. He is extremely sensitive to the cold when he never used to be. There is still some neuropathy in his fingers and toes. His digestion is anything but normal. A food that will sit well today will upset his stomach tomorrow and leave him feeling ill and unable to do much.

I am scared of every ache and pain he gets. Every time his stomach bothers him there is a little fear in the pit of my own stomach. A little worry that it’s the beginning of a new onset of the damn disease. Every time he gets a flu bug I wonder if it’s really the flu or if there is more at work inside his body. Is it just a regular headache, a migraine, or something more sinister? That unexplained pain in an extremity? Could it be something more than a pulled muscle?

Once someone you love has suffered a bout with cancer you never stop worrying. You may not say anything. I don’t. I don’t want him to know how much I worry. But you worry. You fear the worst until you know it isn’t.

There’s no way to get past the fear. There’s no guarantee that the deadly disease isn’t going to rear it’s ugly head again. All you can do is pray that it isn’t this time. That this time he is still free from it. And be grateful for all the time you have had together and the moments you still have left.

Cancer taught me a hard lesson – to make the most of the time we have left and not worry about the little things. The rest of our lives should be the best of our lives.