Escape! GET OUT NOW!

Someone asked me if I am obsessed with narcissism because I write about it frequently. It is not my obsession, but I am, however, very aware of it. In my life this mental disease afflicted multiple people around me including a parent. In writing about it, I hope to open the eyes of others who may be suffering at the hands of one and may not even be aware of it. I hope to give them knowledge to help get out from under their spell.  It’s hard to escape even with the knowledge.

Narcissism is a soul sucking disease. I think it is more of a spiritual disease than even a mental disease. A narcissist’s sin is the worst of the seven deadly sins – the sin of pride. This may sound like a bit of a contradiction, because at the base of the narcissism is a very low sense of self-esteem. But they begin to believe their own lies after a while, which is often apparent in their grandiose and arrogant behavior.

A narcissist has such a low opinion of himself or herself so it becomes necessary to “fool” others into believing they are worthy. Life becomes a stage for these people. In public they cover their truth with cosmetic lies. Exaggerations are normal. They paint pictures of a perfect life to anyone who will listen. They are charming to a fault. Their words are as smooth as silk, but following them will send you on a slide down to hell from which it is very difficult to escape.

When they exit the stage of public opinion the “make-up” melts off and the hideous monster beneath makes an appearance. It is here when hell appears. The people who fall under their spell as partners and spouses find out the hard way. The honeymoon phase of smooth words and pampered treatment quickly fade as the true self makes an appearance.  By then it’s usually too late to get out.

My deepest experience with a narcissist was a parent, so my brainwashing started as a child who knew no different. But there are intelligent adults who fall for the con game. The whirlwind romance is breathtaking. They are swept off their feet and fall in love in record time. The narcissist slowly steals their personal power and their very life.  Being their own individual person isn’t an option anymore. They are forced to be a mirror for their oppressor.

One wonders why they don’t see the signs and recognize the red flags going up. How is it they can’t pull out at the first sign of change? Do not judge these people harshly. How many of us really expect another to purposely harm us, and even do it with manipulation tactics? The narcissist wins because of the goodness of their victims, and the slyness of the tactics.

Maybe I’m being a bit dim-witted myself, but I can’t believe the narcissist goes into the illness knowingly. In some cases, maybe even most cases, I think they were themselves victims of a narcissist at some point. It’s hard for me to fathom someone intentionally deciding to do the malicious things narcissists are famous for.

No matter how it happens, narcissists are poison to the soul. They eat away like a parasite at the self-esteem of those around them, slowly turning their victims into slaves and food for their egos. Over time the victims lose any sense of who they really are because the narcissist trains and manipulates them into being who the narcissist needs them to be.

Without help and knowledge it is difficult to get away from a narcissist. Often it’s even hard to find help from others because few people outside of the immediate household get to see the monster under the make-up. To the outside world the victim appears to be the trouble-maker. It’s part of the game, the plan.

The narcissist will completely control the victim in all aspects of life. But it doesn’t happen at once. At first they will be isolated from friends and family and anyone who may have any influence over them. The narcissist can’t allow them to be around anyone who may see his flaws.

Perhaps then, it will be limited movement. He takes away the car keys. There is a probably a believably valid reason for it. He needs the only car for work. But if she suggests a second set there will be reasons why he won’t let it happen.

The victim can not have financial freedom, because money can help them escape. Again, it might be a slow process and he may find valid reasons to convince the victim of the necessity, but it’s another method of control he will use.

In a relationship with a narcissist sex is used as a weapon as well. A narcissist will, in fact, use anything he or she can as a weapon of control until the victim is completely submissive. In some cases they even use religious belief as a weapon and a tool against the victim.

Ultimately, the narcissist convinces the victim that he or she is literally crazy. It may be the final bite out of the victim’s self-esteem. He may use gaslighting liberally until the victim doubts his or her own mind. Lies come easily for a narcissist and he will say whatever he needs to convince the victim of her own insanity.

When faced with the truth by outsiders, victims seldom listen to what they are being told. The brainwashing is so complete that they believe the abuser is truly doing these things for their own good. They believe they aren’t smart enough to be on their own. They need the narcissist to live.  In their hearts they may want to escape but the abuser taught them there is no chance for escape.

If these words resonate with you at all it’s time to find help. My words may only ignite a little spark within you, but if it does, please seek help. Nobody should live as a shadow of who they were meant to be to please another person.

Each of us has this life to live with a purpose. Each life is here to bring change to the world.  Living under the shadow of someone else, it is hard to shine your own light. Please let my words be the spark that wakes you up and brings your life new meaning.

If you feel these words reflect your life and you are ready to take the big step away from your abuser (yes that’s what these people are), seek help. Are you ready to escape?  If you still have friends and family turn to the ones you still trust. They may be waiting and hoping you wake up and are more than ready to help you get out. If you are alone, there are shelters in most communities who can advise you in your situation. If you are religious talk to your religious leaders. They are trained and can help you.

Every soul we can take from a narcissist is another soul who has a chance at life and love.
Please feel free to share your stories with me in the comments or email me at shell@empath.educatetheusatoday.com