Yes I Want The Damn Pizza

Are you a people pleaser? Do you usually go out of your way to please others even at the cost of your own plans or desires?  

I have a special little secret to share with you … You don’t have to do that! No, really! It’s OK to put yourself first occasionally.

If you are anything like me, that’s a hard idea to grasp. All my life I’ve been a reluctant people pleaser. I say “reluctant” because doing so wasn’t my first choice.

Yes, I would have liked that last slice of pizza. I was still hungry and you already ate twice as much as I did. But, I don’t want you to be upset or angry or disappointed in me. I’ll just smile a fake smile and say I’m full. No, it’s OK, you go ahead and eat it.

Does this sound familiar to you? Have you done something similar? And when it’s done, do you feel both resentful and disappointed in yourself? Yet the next time the same thing happens you do it all over again.

Why do we keep repeating this behavior? Why is it so hard to say “no” and so easy to say “yes”?

I don’t know about anyone else.  For me, I believe I’m afraid of being unloved. I’m afraid if I don’t give others what they want they will stop loving me. Do you feel the same way?

I have another little piece of insight for you: Love doesn’t have an on / off switch. Eating the last piece of pizza isn’t going to turn off real love. Saying “no” doesn’t automatically click some invisible switch to the off position.

It’s hard to let go of the fear of being unloved. At the last minute that “no” turns into “yes” coming out of your mouth. Maybe you can be strong next time. This time you still can’t take the chance of losing that love.

You CAN do it. Start with the little things – like the pizza. On it’s own the pizza isn’t a huge victory. In the grand scheme of things, in the bigger picture, it’s important because that little victory builds confidence for the next little skirmish.

So say it loud: No, you CAN’T have that last slice of pizza. I want it!