Strength Through Change

2017 is a year of change. I don’t know about anyone else, but for me, it is a year of strength. The life changes that are taking place for me are bringing me new knowledge and a new found courage and strength I didn’t have before.

From the beginning, this year felt different to me. I felt it was going to be a strong year for something. Good change I hoped, but one never knows. Although it did start out slowly.

Then, in March I found the courage to begin this blog. I had always wanted to publish my writing somewhere. Anywhere. I wanted to put my words in front of the eyes of other people. My husband was talking about starting a website to sell some things. I’m not sure why it gave me the idea to start my own blog, but, well, here it is!

In April I began to go to workshops dealing with healing through journaling. The focus is on emotional healing after abuse.  But, I think anyone can benefit from the workshops. We all have emotional woes we can work on.

I have been the victim of multiple types of abuse in my life, some only a handful of people are aware of. There were scars in my head, scars in my heart and pain that needed to be discovered and healed.

I have continued to attend these workshops all year and they have been very beneficial.  They have definitely brought about change. I learned how to write letters for healing. Letters to abusers. Letters to people I am upset with. I learned to write letters to people who have caused emotional distress. And I even wrote letters to myself.

This led to me actually talking to myself. Well, I have done that my whole life, but this was a different kind of talking to myself. I started talking to my inner child. To the little girl inside me who was hurt by everything that happened to me. She has stories to tell.

In talking to her I am learning strength. Healing her is healing me. I am learning to stand up for myself. She is helping me undo all the damage to my self-esteem over the years.

I am different. I am not the woman I was in January. It is October now. 10 months later. I am stronger mentally. Working with a couple people who have been patient with me, I am learning to take care of me and put me first. And it’s not selfish to do that.

All my life I have been a care-giver. I have put others first. I have pushed myself past pain limits to serve others. This year I have learned that it’s time I take time to myself and listen to my body. When it has had enough, I have to stop and let it rest. I can’t take care of anyone else if I don’t take care of me.

For me, that was a huge lesson. Even when there are consequences of taking care of me, they are worth it to me. In this world there are consequences for everything. We have to weigh them out and decide what risks to take.

But this year, I am learning the biggest lesson of all. I am learning to take care of me in all ways. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Because all of these work together. If one part of those is broken, I’m not healthy. If I’m not healthy I can’t do the things I need to do.  It’s been a hard thing to change for me.

I know my mission in this life is to be a guide and an emotional healer. But I can’t do any of them if I don’t take care of me. It’s a hard lesson for someone who has been a perpetual maternal figure for most of her life. But finally, this year, I am learning. I am changing.

I am proud of me.  And I feel strong