Children, Do As I Say, Not as I Do

What are you teaching your children? Are you aware how much they learn from your actions? We tell our kids, “Do as I say, not as I do”, but the reality is that they watch and duplicate the actions they see more than they listen to the words we speak to them. There is a country music song by Rodney Atkins called “Watching You” that shows how true this is.

As parents and guardians we want what is best for the children in our care. We don’t want them to make the same mistakes we made at the same age. How many mothers watch their teenage daughters closely for the behaviors they were guilty of at the same age? How many fathers admonish their sons not to follow in their foolish footprints of days past?

It is normal behavior for young children to idolize their parents and be just like them. From using questionable language to duplicating actions they see, they are often miniature versions of the parent they adore. This can be cute and touching when they are still little. As time goes on and they mature, children should begin to develop their own personalities and likes and dislikes. They should become their own individual person.

This isn’t to say they don’t continue to learn from the actions of their parents. My father had a phrase I associated only with him. When something finally went right after having problems getting it started, he would exclaim, “Now we’re cooking with gas!” From his actions, I learned to do the same thing. How many children learn their first swear words listening to a father or mother in an exasperated moment? The parent may correct their language at the moment, but the lesson has already been learned. Another good example of “Do as I say, not as I do.”

The reactions of a child’s parents to stimuli are lessons for him as well. This is never more visible than in an abusive household. If one parent is abusing the other the children notice the inequality of the relationship. They may follow in the footsteps of either parent, thus becoming either an abuser or a victim of an abuser as they become an adult.

The roles can cross genders. If the mother is the victim of abuse in the relationship, it is possible for a son to follow in her footsteps and find a woman who will treat him as his mother was treated. Along the same vein, a daughter can easily become an abuser as well and find a man that she can belittle and dominate.

We may not pay close attention to our own actions, but our children ARE watching what we are doing. With this in mind, it seems prudent to pay close attention to the model we are setting for them. It is flattering to know that someone looks up to us, but it then becomes a responsibility to ensure we are someone worthy of being looked up to.

What are you teaching your little ones?