Torn Between Two Worlds

Where am I? I often seem to ask myself this question. When I ask it, I am not questioning my physical location. I am aware of where my physical body is. I am wondering where I am in my head.  Which world am I in? 

I don’t know if this is a particular occurrence for all empaths or if it is just something that can happen. I find that I live in between two worlds. And these two worlds are so very different from each other.

I live in the physical world. My body, my pains, remind me of this daily. I am still a living breathing member of this race we call human. Eating, sleeping, speaking, bleeding … I do all the same things every other human does.

I also live in a spiritual world. My mind, my soul is living in a different dimension even as I exist here. When it seems that I am spaced out, most of the time I am listening to a sound nobody else can hear. I am tuning in to my intuition and guidance that comes from “the other side.”

Most of my life I have been tuned into intuition and “the other side”. It wasn’t until I learned I am an empath that I realized what was happening to me. I used to think it was just freaky occurrences. Or maybe even coincidences. When I would think of someone and they would be ringing the phone a few minutes later, it was just coincidence. It was a coincidence when a relative would show up after I dreamed of one.

Raised in a religious family, I have always been aware there is a different dimension from this one our physical body exists in. I have always known angels stood by our sides to guide us and guard us. Even though my physical eyes have not seen one, I still knew they were there.

Now, as an empath who is ‘aware’, I think I am stuck between these worlds even more. I am always alert to the possibility of my intuition telling me something, even at inopportune moments. Ignoring intuition is never a smart thing to do. There are always consequences of doing so.

I think of it as God saying “I told you so” when I ignore or miss the signs I have been sent. I pay the consequences for not listening.

Of course you are asking “who cares if a relative is coming for a visit, or who is going to be on the line when the phone rings?” And the answer is that it really doesn’t matter. It didn’t matter when I was 5 or 10 or 15 years old either. Those were training messages. It was from those little things that I learned to listen. There were no punishments for ignoring those.

My intuition these days runs more along the lines of having a knowing that someone close to me is hurting, or in danger, or needs prayers or help. When my best friend is having a hard time and is afraid to reach out I know to call her. When another is dealing with an abusive husband, I am guided to let her know I’m available to listen and do whatever I can to help her. Sometimes a gut feeling tells me not to go somewhere I have intentions of going. Maybe a party would turn into a fight so I’m guided to remain home instead of attending.

It’s helpful to have this extra sense, this warning system. But it’s also a hard way to live. Without proper self-care, these things can take a toll on us, in a physical way as well as a spiritual, mental or emotional way.

Living in both worlds is confusing. It always seems that whichever world I am in, it’s not the right one for the moment. Deep at work in the physical world, the spiritual world interrupts and wants attention. Alternatively, deep in thought, prayer or meditation, the physical world blasts an air horn in my ear and says, “come back to us.”

Perhaps there is more training that I need to know how to balance these two dimensions.  This life I lead calls for constant learning and training.  Maybe there is a trick I haven’t yet discovered.  For now, I guess I lead a double life.