At A Crossroad

There’s a change in the air. There has been for a good long time. I’ve sensed something since the beginning of 2017. I would have loved to be able to zoom out and look at the whole picture to know what was ahead and how many different paths were facing me. Right now I’m at a crossroad. Which way will I choose?

I’ve been attending “Healing Through Journaling” workshops for almost a year now. Those of us in these workshops are learning how to use writing to heal the ills of our souls. As an avid writer I knew they were right up my alley. And I was right. I started this blog about the same time as I began the workshops.

Now, today, I think I am at a crossroad because of the healing that I did through those workshops. I am taking steps to take care of me. That may sound just too simple for some of you, but for anyone who has walked in my shoes, it’s a hard thing to do. I was raised to always put others first no matter what. It was subliminally drummed into my head that I didn’t matter, but everyone else did.

So, for the last 17 years I have worked at a factory standing on concrete floors for 11 to 12 hour shifts four nights a week… while suffering from osteoarthritis in my ankles. The pay was great. I felt like I was fulfilling my duties as a household member to support the family. What I didn’t realize was that it was taking a toll on both my physical and my mental health.

Now, I will be 48 years old next week, and I am crippled. I am unable to walk without a cane or assistance, or sometimes both. It’s funny what you can live with if you don’t know the difference. However, I learned the difference. I discovered what it is to be able to walk without a cane when I took a couple weeks off of work and got off of my feet for so many hours.

Without those workshops I would have just gone right back into the old routine until I was so crippled up I would be bedridden. But now, I know that taking care of myself and my health is important too. I have learned that if I want to be happy and enjoy life I have to take it into my own hands, not just go with the flow, never making any changes.

This is the crossroad I am at… to continue on with the job and the money and the pain, or to leave the job and find pain relief but be unsure about financial stability. I chose the pain relief so my days at my factory job are numbered. I’ve given my notice. Thankfully my husband has been supportive and we are working on alternate methods of income.

But, however things turn out, I feel confident in my decision. I know that I am doing what is best for me and my health. Whatever obstacles cross our path we will deal with together. Whatever hardships appear we will overcome. Together we will enter a new life. For me, it will be a life with a lot less pain.