Have You Found Your Voice?

Have you ever had a dream where you tried to speak or to scream and nothing would come out? Do you remember the feeling of fear that you had? Did it feel like your voice was frozen?

Do you ever feel like that in real life? Are there moments when you feel you want to say something but you can’t?

We all want to be heard. Whether it be opinions or preferences, we all would like to know that our voice is heard.

My voice is probably my greatest weapon and tool now. When I was younger I didn’t have a voice. I was taught that children were to be seen but not heard. We had no voice, no say in anything. Because of that upbringing I held back a lot of words I should have spoken throughout my life. I grew up believing my words meant nothing.

Throughout most of my life when I should have spoken up for myself, I didn’t. The idea that my words were useless was so ingrained in me that I was afraid to speak up. I was afraid to be yelled at and told to shut up. I felt this way even among my peers.

During my school years my father fought my battles for me. When there was a problem I took it home to him and he got on the soapbox for me. It was an act of love for him. But for me, it taught me that I wasn’t strong enough to fight for myself. I never learned how to fight for myself.

Years into my adult life I still felt my voice was useless. In moments when I should have spoke up to defend myself I stood mute. I took whatever was thrown at me meekly because it was what I had been taught my whole life.

A part of my silence was the self-esteem issues I grew up with as well. I always felt “not good enough”. When you feel that everyone else is better than you, there’s no reason to think your words are worth anything. You feel stupid compared to everyone else.

I learned to project my voice into my writing. When there were words to say the pen said them for me. I filled notebooks with thoughts and dreams and pain. I sat beneath a tree all summer long and poured out my soul into white pages. In the winter, I hid in my room with pens of different colors and narrow lined notebooks to hold more words.

The journey to find my voice has been long and arduous. It didn’t just come overnight. Part of it happened when my father died. I had nobody to speak for me. As an adult I had to learn to speak for myself. That was a difficult time for me. I was dealing with the loss of a loved idol, and learning to walk as an adult at once.

When I started my job at the glass factory I was one person on a shift of about 30. It was the first time in a very long time that I was “just a number”. Prior to that I had always been in a small circle of people. I had to learn to speak my words or be trampled on.

About the same time I purchased a book simply titled “Self Esteem” and began to read that. The combination of the new job and the book changed my life. I began to feel my own confidence.

When I finally began to understand the new job I got better at it. Pain was always a factor but I was steady because we needed the money. As people came and went, I was reliable. It wasn’t too long and I became good at what I did. I have a natural talent for organization which helped in my work area. I am good at teaching so I was a patient trainer for the new ones. And I learned how to speak my truths.

Today, if I tell people I used to be quiet and shy they laugh at me and tell me to quit teasing them. But it’s the truth. I used to be afraid to open my mouth and use my voice. I was afraid I would be ridiculed and shamed for my words.

My words are a weapon and a tool for me now. I don’t hold back what needs to be said. My voice is just as important as the next guy. Everyone’s voice should be equal in this world.

Don’t let fear stop you from saying what you think! Most people appreciate pure honesty even when the words hurt.

Truth will set you free. Speak it!