Timing Matters! Show Your Pride Today

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I have not been on speaking terms with my mother for quite a long time. Also, I have been open about the fact that I am on a road to healing a lot of emotional wounds created in my childhood. It is not with pride that I say I have begun opening the door of communication with her again. It was out of necessity.

My mother was not the only cause of my childhood issues. My father contributed his part too. However, my father is dead. I can’t raise issues with him anymore. But, my mother has asked me over and again why I do not speak with her. More than once I have addressed this issue with her but she was unwilling to listen. She merely wanted to reply or to excuse her behaviors.

On this day I spoke with her for other reasons. I had an idea our personal issues would show up in the conversation. During the conversation, the issue of pride in us came up. Parental pride is usually a very strong emotion. However, as a child I never felt my parents were proud of me. They did not express pride in any of us.

When I expressed this feeling to my mother, she looked shocked that I would say it. Of course we were proud of you, she said. We were proud of your grades. People were always making us proud of how well behaved you were. I am very proud of who you grew into.

The problem is that she didn’t tell us at the time we did these things. It means so much to a child to hear, “I am proud of you because …” and then tell them what they JUST did that made you proud. Put the pride with the action at the time it occurred.

I can count on two fingers the number of times my father showed pride in me and told me at the same time. In both instances I had defended my siblings against some school yard bullies. Twice in my life my father directly stated his pride in me. Twice in the nineteen years while he was alive.

As a child I received very little positive feedback from either parent. They may have spoken of these things among themselves. But, I needed to hear it with my own ear at the time it happened. Children need positive reinforcement. Pride in themselves starts when they know adults are proud of them.

When a child doesn’t receive the immediate positive feedback he will dwell on the situation. He will wonder what he did wrong. Why wasn’t he good enough?

One instance won’t harm a child. A few instances of forgetting to show pride in a child will be overlooked. But a continuous neglect to show pride in his works and actions builds up an unworthy picture in his head. At some point he will give up trying because nothing he does is good enough to merit praise.

A child who grows up believing he isn’t good enough, will become an adult who believes he isn’t good enough. Life is hard for an adult who feels inferior and unworthy. Pride in yourself helps fuel your ambition in life. Without that self-pride one often float along in life with no desire to become anything. He will always believe he can’t do anything he wants to do. He’s never good enough.

Are there children in your life who need a boost? Can you give a needy child not just some time and attention, but a little belief in himself? While it is the parents’ responsibility to raise a healthy child, it is not above the rest of us to lend a hand occasionally where one might be needed.

Show your pride in a child today.