Escape? Show Me The Way!

Today there is no post ready for publication. Usually I try to have them ready in advance but this week has been abnormally busy. And I made a few new discoveries, although they were not happy ones.

I have been working hand in hand with a woman who has been the victim of mental and emotional abuse. She is near and dear to me, a woman with a lot of faith in God, and a whole lot of patience. I hope that through this she will teach me that virtue for I am sorely lacking in it.

The problem with mental and emotional abuse is that it leaves no visible scars. The damage is all done internally to their pyche, and to their self-confidence. It occurs progressively over time instead of one big blow. And those pains do not heal as quickly or easily as the physical ones.

Another sad fact is that children who grow up witnessing these abuses do not recognize them as abuse. Since it is the only life they know, they consider it normal. While “normal” is a relative word there are certain accepted behaviors within the family dynamic which are considered as normal.

Women who endure the abuse do not become accustomed to it. They may put on a false face in front of other people, but they do recognize it for what it is. They just feel they are alone in their battle with no support or help.

And it is in this which I have been quickly educated this week – how little outside help there is for women who recognize the dangers and want to escape. How sad it is that they make take years to build up their courage to finally get out, only to discover the door is blocked by support people with no compassion, ambition, or supplies. Or worse, they make an attempt anyway and find themselves dragged back into hell because they couldn’t run far enough on their own.

The abuse escalates after an escape. Oh, at first there is the “honeymoon” stage when he pretends to do all the sweet things he used to at the beginning. But when the devil returns in him, it is stronger and meaner.

Escape is futile without help of some kind. Unfortunately I have learned that there isn’t enough help for victims in these circumstances. Unless the victim has enough loved ones to help her, she walks dangerous ground alone. Sometimes it’s easier to go back to some kind of security rather than amble on without any.

As a society we are failing these women (and men) who are victims. We should rally around them even if we have nothing but the love in our hearts. Sometimes, just being there to listen, to help them think clearly and to show them real true love is enough to keep them going.

It is my hope to make a change to this in my own world. I want to gather together women who have lived it, and those who have supported them. I want to hear the stories of escape and share them. Use them. Learn from them. I want to be there for these victims.

Instead of asking, “why doesn’t she get out?” we should be asking, “what can I do to help?”