What A Topic!

I have received rude questions recently regarding the topics for my posts in this blog. Where do I find them? How do I know what to write about? Who or what determines the topic I choose to focus on for a particular day? Do I target a particular audience?

As far as topic, there isn’t an easy answer to that. Sometimes it depends upon what time of the year it is and what holidays inspire me. Other times the topic is based upon something I am dealing with in my healing or something I have recently experienced empathically. As a writer the topic might be something I have discovered in my writing practice. And, of course, anything going on in my life can have an effect upon the topic I choose for the day.

One reader asked about some of the harder topics I have written about. Do I only write about things I have experienced in my own life? The answer is simple: If it hasn’t happened to me personally, I have experienced it through others near and dear to me, and thus feel the same pains.

One rather poignant post, “Angry Red Lines“, was written for a few different people who are unaware of each other. They are all young girls who have suffered different types of trauma in their lives and have taken up cutting. For those who are unaware, “cutters”, as they are called, use sharp objects upon their skin until they draw blood. Whatever the reason, the letting of blood helps to release the emotional pain they carry within.

I write of this so others in the same position realize they are not alone. They aren’t the only ones to pick up a blade, a pair of scissors, tweezers, or even a broken piece of glass to turn their skin red. Others have been there… and have healed from it. They survived. Each has found a different way, a healthy way, to deal with the emotions they carry inside.

“Lost” was a harder post for me to write. It dealt with a very hard time in my life when I lost someone dear and in the process I lost myself. It was my personal “dark night of the soul”. I was in the depths of depression and pulled out. Through that experience I learned how to survive. And I also swore that I would do anything I could to help anyone else who fell into that pit of hell.

There are a number of articles on abuse of different shades. These are hard to write because I don’t want to walk in the shoes of those living that life. However, I have been there with women who have been in those shoes. I had my apartment door blasted down by the angry husband of a woman who was trying to get a fresh start. I’ve witnessed the angry tirades of a man who was upset because he lost control over a woman he “owned”. Although I don’t publish the fact, I have been beside a few different women who just needed another woman to give her the strength to find her truth and stand on her own two feet.

I have been the victim myself of a narcissistic parent. A post about this entitled “How Can You Be So Cruel To Your Narcissistic Mother” has been my most popular post to date on this blog. Those wounds are emotional – the scars they leave are invisible but indelible. No amount of antiseptic can heal those. I didn’t write the post to demonize my mother. In truth, I feel sorry for her. I wrote it for others who had narcissistic mothers and are still licking their wounds. They aren’t alone. I can listen with a compassionate ear and help them through their healing.

I have offended people with my posts. When I write them I realize it is a possibility. Some people don’t like to face the truth. And they forget that this is my personal opinion to which I am entitled. I have received comments from people who took offense. As a writer, I know this is part of the job and I take it in stride.

I’ve had people accuse me about writing about them personally. I don’t target people, but I will readily admit that I take the knowledge I have learned from their behavior and use it for a topic if I think I can. My purpose in this blog is to help other people who walk in my shoes. I need others to know they are not alone. No matter what you are experiencing, others have been there. In time I hope this blog will bring those people together in a circle of support.

I have posts of different tones. Some are silly, while others are much more dark and serious. Recently I lost a dear pet and the post Goodbye Baby Boy was painfully sad.  Tears still attack when I read the words I wrote. I can’t even read my own post. It was not an easy topic, but it was a part of my life. Others out there can sympathize with the loss of a loved pet. We are not alone.

None of us are alone. When I choose a topic, subconsciously this is the theme I hope to put forth: you are not alone. I pray that anyone reading this can understand that I come with a huge heart to help others no matter their situation. I do not judge. It isn’t my place to. I believe in God and that He is the only one who has a right to judge any of us. And, no matter how bad things feel, they can be repaired and fixed. But sometimes, the fix isn’t what we want to be the answer.

Garth Brooks had a great song years ago called Unanswered Prayers. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GuA5PZx3K4 The line in it stated “One of God’s greatest gifts is unanswered prayers.” This was hard for me to learn but a major part of my healing.

An example from my own personal life is this: I have always wanted children of my own. Having PCOS it wasn’t to be. God had chosen to make me a “barren woman”. For years this bothered me. But over the years I have been there when my husband’s grandchildren needed someone. Nieces and nephews have needed temporary solace or advice. A couple friends of mine had children who needed an outside mentor. Most of them just wanted someone to listen to them. If God had answered my prayer I would have had 3 kids and no time for anyone else’s children. My unanswered prayer was a blessing for those many children who just needed my ear and love.

So, I guess, to answer the questions about my blog … I choose my topic based upon the moment in time when I am writing it and who I sense needs to know they aren’t alone. That is my entire purpose in life – to try as hard as I can to be there for those who are hurting and feeling alone. I’ve been alone and it’s a terrible feeling. Come, take my hand, and join me. Together we can get through the trials we call life.