Are You Lonesome Tonight?

As a writer I recognize the importance of using the correct word to get an idea across. While some words seem to mean the same thing, the emotional responses to each may be worlds apart.

My English teacher in high school taught the lesson to me while he read some of the poetry I wrote. (Yes I also write poetry although I haven’t done so in a while.) I used the word “lonely” and he felt I should have used the word “lonesome”.

At first glance they seem almost identical in meaning. They give the feeling of being alone. There may be a tug at the heart when these words are read because they convey a feeling of needing support and love and attention.

It was a much needed lesson for me, however, in more ways than one. First I learned that the appropriate word is important to any writing if you want your readers to feel what you are feeling. The second lesson I learned was not about writing, but rather that he understood exactly how I was feeling despite using the wrong word.

As he described it to me, “lonely” works well if your subject doesn’t care who gives comfort and solace. Anyone will do to fill the emptiness. “Lonesome” is a more painful word because it means that the void can only be filled by the person desired who is missing.

I was feeling lonesome. Lovesick teenagers usually are. The love of their life doesn’t know they exist and life is over. They will never be able to love again. While I wasn’t quite that desperate and emotional, he had expressed exactly what I had been feeling. Someone I thought I cared about wasn’t as into me as I was into him. I spent a little more time understanding the subtle difference between the two words.

Lonesome is lovers who are away from the ones they love. Some love is such that both lovers miss each other just minutes after leaving each other’s side. It’s impossible to keep someone by our side every moment of the day, despite both of us desiring that outcome. Living life is important. “Lonesome” is what the poets and the songwriters feel in the wistful words of desire for the one they love.

Lonesome is what we feel after the death of someone close to us. Nobody else will fill the void in our hearts. There will always be holes and a sense of loss. When lovers part and break up, one of them will usually feel lonesome. Lonesome lovers stare out into the stars praying for the return of the one they lost.

In the grand scheme of things, however, it’s easy for us to turn “lonesome” into “lonely”. When we lose ourselves in our loss and desire for one particular person we give up living our lives. It’s easy to remain focused on our loss and reject others who are willing to give us love, time and attention.

As people are pushed away they are not likely to come back. Lonely happens when we push everyone away until there is nobody left to care for us. Sooner or later, we reach “lonely”.

Lonely is sitting at home looking at the phone wishing it would ring and anyone would offer a dinner invitation. Or, maybe it is flipping through the channels on the remote trying to find satisfaction in the television.

Both “lonely” and “lonesome” are choices. If we are feeling either of these emotions we can find a way to pull ourselves out. Although the words are different, the solution is the same.

Reach out to people. Stop in at the local library to see if there are any hobby groups that meet there. Attend one of their meetings to check it out. You might find a new talent you never knew was in you. Check out the local newspapers and bulletin boards for upcoming events. Get chatty with storekeepers and at farmers markets.

Or, if you are a introverted writer such as I am, you can find friends in the black and white words written on your screen. Create characters and give them life. Turn your emotions into stories and dreams and share them with others.

Perhaps, you could make a list of words that seem identical and have subtle differences in meaning …