The Importance in Validating Feelings

Last week found me sobbing because I was unable to catch a puppy. My feelings had bubbled to the surface and were erupting. Logically, I understood that running away is what puppies naturally do. Ginger Snap was eluding capture and investigating everything. However, that was merely the breaking point.

My husband did not understand why I was so upset over something as slight as the natural behavior of a rambunctious puppy. From his standpoint, I was dramatically upset over something I should have expected. On the outside looking in, it would appear that way.

On the inside, however, my feelings were a river flooding its banks. Although he knew all of the recent events and struggles I was dealing with, he was unable to connect them all to this incident. He didn’t realize how everything was sitting within me waiting to explode. My feelings had been building up silently within my heart.

When Ginger Snap gleefully ran away from me, all the emotions I had been holding in escaped. They broke free like jailbirds with an open door and came flooding down my cheeks. My husband looked on in surprise and shock. However, I dropped into my chair, put my face in my hands, and my body shook with my sobs.

When a person exhibits unusual reactions to an event, it is a sign there are underlying issues. My sobs were overreactions to the puppy running. Dan couldn’t make the connection. Not many people do.

He couldn’t validate my feelings or understand the reason for them. All he saw were a lot of tears that made no sense to him.

I didn’t need him to understand my feelings. He may not have been able to comprehend them. What I needed was validation. I needed him to acknowledge that I do feel the feelings.

Most people need this. When people have emotional outbursts, they don’t need understanding. They need validation. They need to know it is OK to feel the way they do.

Ginger Snap was finally under control. My tears were not. I had held them in too long. But I felt better when I had cried it out. Dan almost understood.

Although I had understood before, this incident seemed to drive home a lesson. We don’t need to understand the feelings of others. We merely need to validate them and allow them to have them.

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