Another Song For My Funeral

Last week, I went to a speaking event in a nearby town to listen to survivors of abuse tell their stories. While the details were different, there was a similar thread running through them all. They struggled, they fought, and they didn’t give up. However, one survivor said something that struck a chord with me: “One more song added to my funeral list.”

The survivor who spoke is 24 years old with an adorable 2-year-old daughter who came to the event with her. She has survived the loss of a brother to suicide, incest from a young age, multiple rapes from different attackers, self-harm behaviors and a suicide attempt. In 24 years this adorable young lady has experienced more traumatic things in life than most women three times her age.

She had written letters of goodbye to her loved ones. She even had her funeral planned out. There was a list of people she wanted in attendance. She had all the arrangements ready for the family so they wouldn’t have to do much thinking about it when it was time.

And she had a song list. She had written up a list of songs she hoped they would play as they sent her off into the next life. I’m not exactly sure what it was about that thought that poked at me with something sharp. But, I experienced a physical sensation when she said those words.

In retrospect, I think it was all the detail she went into in planning her funeral. I realized that she was not helping her family as much as she was saying goodbye to herself. That is a powerful thought.

If suicide has not touched you or your family in some way, you are lucky. Suicide numbers are growing. Life is getting harder to live. Many people feel like giving up. It’s difficult to consider for someone who has not been near that dark place. But for those who have, suicide is a real thing.

So are the funerals. The family left behind wonders why they didn’t see it coming. They ask what they could have done more, or differently, or better. They have to put together the final ritual to send off a loved one they hadn’t expected to lose so soon. This speaker was saving her family that worry.

But she can lose that song list now. Or, maybe she can put it in a safe place to be pulled out later when it is her natural time to pass over. There are better things for her to plan now. She can take time to look into schools for her daughter. More education for herself might be a possibility. Speaking engagements such as this one can give her a chance to share her life experiences and save another life such as her own.

She doesn’t need the song list for her funeral anymore.

Click here for suicide hotline numbers. Your life matters.

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