Eating The Emptiness Away

Do you find yourself eating when you aren’t hungry? Is stress a trigger for you to run to the cupboard to find comfort food? Do you suddenly realize you are eating when you are already so full you could burst? These describe me to the letter.

Tonight as I sit here at the keyboard I am feeling the strong urge to grab that bag of potato chips that I know is in the cupboard. I put them there today, so I know they are there. I just finished eating lasagna for supper about two hours ago. My stomach is still feeling full from that. So why do I feel like eating again?

I recognize that I am feeling an emptiness tonight. I’m not sure from where it originates. Is it mine? Am I picking it up from someone else close to me? As I step back to analyze my own life, there are various reasons why I might feel this way. The emotions could be mine.

What is certain is that I do NOT need those potato chips. Neither should I be eating the chocolate candy that is sitting on the table, remainders of our village trick-or-treating hours. My stomach is already complaining about feeling full enough to burst. Hunger is not the reason for wanting the food.

I’m trying to fix my emotions by eating them away. I fool myself into believing I will feel satisfied after eating. When I am hungry, this is the truth. However, most of the time hunger does not drive my desire for eating. It is an emptiness inside of me.

The craving within is strong. The urge to eat is a cruel supervisor. As much as I want to control my actions, my body, I find myself drawn to the food as if in a trance. Sleepwalking is not as insistent as the call to the cupboard.

Some might call it a food addiction. But, I think it’s not the food driving my addiction. It’s the satisfaction food brings. Food never leaves you feeling empty. On the contrary, with food, there is an excellent possibility of being overfilled.

However, feeling full is not a sufficient reason for me to avoid the cupboard. Almost in a daze, I find myself eating the potato chips before I realize what I am doing. It has become an automatic reaction. And, in time, could become a fatal one.

Eating the emptiness away is dangerous for my health in many ways. Not only am I already severely overweight, but I also have health conditions affected by salty junk foods. Each bag of chips could be considered another nail in my coffin. But, even that doesn’t seem to be enough to stop me.

The only cure is to fill the void I feel with something fulfilling. As a child, I felt neglected emotionally. This neglect was the emptiness I ate to fill. Already as a child, I was creating bad habits. When I grew older, I recognized the comfort eating brought me. I learned to turn to food when I felt down.

Now, I’m 48 years old and eating myself to death when the emptiness comes around. There is a void in my life that is yet unfilled. Food is not the answer. Avoiding food is impossible since it is necessary for survival.

Conscious eating and recognizing my emotional state is part of the answers for me. I have learned to ask myself if I need food or to be comforted. I must remain diligent because I am one sneaky bugger! There are times I can fool myself into believing food is the answer.

If you are an emotional eater, how do you keep the cravings at bay? What are some suggestions you have for people like me who have a hard time controlling the trips to the cupboards?