“If You Loved Me You Wouldn’t Have …”

“If you loved me you wouldn’t have …” It’s so easy to say those words when you are hurt. A partner did something you never thought they could do to you. Your heart is torn apart and you lash out at them with those words.

“How could you do that if you loved me?” There are tears in your eyes as you spit out those words looking at your loved one. “I could never do that to you.”

What people don’t realize is that sometimes it isn’t a lack of love that causes people to do things that hurt others. It’s that their internal pain or trauma is stronger than their love for another.

I’ve seen it happen. One partner does something nobody could ever believe they did, and has no reason why except they needed to. “If you loved him/her why did you do that? Everyone wants answers.

But there are no answers. The one who did the action may not even know why he/she did it. Just that it felt necessary for their own well-being.

Mind you, I’m in no way condoning hurting your partner. Before doing so, one should take a second and realize the ramifications of doing something to jeopardize a relationship they may not be able to fix. However, I am trying to help others understand.

Sometimes those who hurt their partner love them more fiercely than they can imagine, but the pain from their past drives their actions. No relationship is perfect, and without perfect communication it’s easy to misunderstand or even be afraid to open up completely.

Yet opening up completely is what solves this issue. Being brave enough to face rejection and abandonment by opening our heart and soul to our partner is how we get past these unfortunate incidents or even prevent them from happening. And alternately, being able to listen without reaction to our partner is necessary to keep that door of communication open.

If you have that open communication where you can openly discuss anything without judgment, you have most of what is necessary to avoid such phrases as “If you loved me, you wouldn’t.”