Peace, Silence and Tranquility

Peace and quiet? What even is that? Do any of us experience that in our lives anymore? We live in a hurry-up, fast-paced world where there’s no room for sitting, relaxing, and enjoying silence.

Many people are afraid of silence. They don’t want to be alone with themselves or their thoughts. In the silence, you can’t hide from yourself or your own thoughts.

So, we live in a world filled with noise and distractions. Businesses have music playing in the background. Cafes often have a TV playing a news station. Even when we are standing in a line, we often pull out our phones to check our social media feeds.

What would we do without these distractions in our lives? Would we have more conversations with others in public? Would we take some time to learn about ourselves? Could we spend time in our own company?

Many times, people who can’t sit still are running from themselves. They don’t like the person in the mirror, but if they stay busy, they never have to worry about it.

Even the best people are uncomfortable in their own silence. We all have things about ourselves that we don’t like. Not everyone has the fortitude and ambition to try to change what they see as faults.

Sometimes we don’t even know where or how to start. We are so involved in keeping ourselves distracted that we can’t figure out how to stop and smell the roses.

The first step is to learn how to say the word “no”. That can be one of the hardest words to say. People invite us to something, or ask us to do something, and most of us feel obligated to agree. We don’t want to disappoint anyone.

But we don’t seem to be afraid to disappoint ourselves. Even as we agree to meet someone for dinner or help them in whatever they ask, there’s a little voice inside chiding us for not admitting that our schedule is already booked solid.

And that takes us to our next step. We need to start scheduling time for ourselves and treat it as an important appointment. Yes, this means literally writing it in our calendars and planners, just like we do with our other important engagements. Time for ourselves should be sacred time.

Now that you have this time, what do you do with it? That might be just as hard as learning to say “no”. For each of us, what we do with this time will be different. As a writer and artist, I use the time to do some personal journal writing or to create a piece of art depicting whatever is on my mind.

The purpose of this time is to get to know yourself. Who are you? What are your interests? What things do you like? And what don’t you like?

If you had to fill out a questionnaire about yourself, how hard would it be? Are you comfortable describing yourself? Do you get stuck or find that you just can’t figure out the answers?

Start small, but start. Schedule half an hour a couple of times a week. Don’t use that time for anything else, no matter how busy your schedule may be.

If you don’t know what to do during that time, just sit by yourself in silence. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, good. It means you are taking a big step for yourself.

Keep a notepad and a pen with you. Jot down thoughts that feel important. Once you can sit with the silence, your mind will learn to feel free enough to let the deeper thoughts flow.

At first, your mind will be flying all over the place. You may find yourself feeling guilty for “wasting” this precious time when there’s so much to do. That’s NORMAL! You aren’t used to making yourself a priority. It won’t feel right at first.

Tell yourself that it’s OK to take this time for yourself. You deserve as much respect as you give others, and more.

After a few weeks, add time to your special time. Extend the half hour or add in an extra day or two. Use your best judgment on how that looks for you.

As it starts to be more comfortable, you can reduce the time – if you want. You may realize how important that time is and increase it. Along the way, you will better learn what things are truly important to you, and which things were just convenient distractions.

In the silence, you will find yourself. You will learn who you are and what you stand for. You will lose people along the way, and may find new ones more aligned with the new person you are becoming. Often, the ones you lose were just using you for their own needs.

Your true interests won’t change, but they will be more focused. For example, if you are an artist, you may find one or two mediums that you prefer and put your energy into improving your skills in those and not dabbling with other mediums.

You will realize you only liked some things because they were a great way to fill time. And you will learn to manage your time better because you won’t want to waste any of it.

Don’t run from the silence. Don’t shy away from it. Embrace it as you would a dear friend. Because silence IS a friend.