The Dark Place

It’s out there. Just sitting quietly waiting for me. I can hear it calling my name seductively. A black hole of despair and hopelessness, I call it The Dark Place. There probably are other names as well, just as there are many other victims aware of the place.

Sometimes I see it as a deep, dark hole where light cannot reach. Other times it is a whole village of blackness where nothing good can live. Under a mystical magic of seduction it calls to those who have a lot of stress and trauma in their lives. For me, it lives within the warm comforting blankets of my bed when I hide there from the bad things.

The bad things do not always send me to my bed. When I am strong enough to combat them they are unable to grow and join together to create The Darkness. But when they become The Darkness they creep inside me and live in my heart center. When The Darkness is inside of me it has a voice I can hear.

The voice of The Darkness is the voice of The Dark Place. The Darkness is a recruiting agent looking for souls to steal. In the beginning it is a low seductive whisper, convincing me how worthless I am. It lies to me and tells me how big the bad things are. It convinces me of my insignificance as it grows louder in my heart.

I can’t ignore the voice of The Darkness once it grows loud. It speaks up in every conversation, throwing out darts with every thought. The ultimate goal of The Darkness is to bring me to The Dark Place. It convinces me I am weak and unworthy.

I’ve been to The Dark Place once before. Comfortably numb, I found solace in solitude. Trauma and a sense of abandonment threw me over the edge. I lost myself in the comfort of The Dark Place.

Friends recognized the light in my eyes had gone out. I was empty, cold, numb and little more than a walking zombie. My schedule and routine were rote moves written into the memory of my life. There was no need for me to engage my brain. I would have faced death without flinching because I didn’t even know how to be afraid.

I was there for a few weeks. Many tried to throw me rescue ropes and drag me back to reality. However, I made no attempt to try to catch the ropes. I didn’t want to be saved. Being saved meant facing life and all the bad things again.

Somehow I found my way out. If you were to ask how I did it, I don’t think I could tell you. I don’t know myself. But I swore once I returned to reality and my feelings I would never return back there again. It would take me kicking and screaming before I would allow myself to fall into that empty blackness.

Yes, it’s warm and comfortable beneath the blankets of The Dark Place. Often I can hear the voice calling me, trying to entice me to follow it. The bad things are always around but when the voice speaks they seem larger than life. It takes conscious strength to fight The Darkness. But I won’t go ever again.