What Happens to Children When Parents Separate

Many times when couples separate they often come into the fight with hate in their heart. In the beginning, theirs was the love of a lifetime. But, it turned into a nightmare to match a horror movie. What happened? How do things come to this point? When did it switch from “hurry home” to “get out of my face”? Is there a turning point? Or does it slowly happen?  What if they are parents?

When a couple separates, things are never easy. Even the couple that agrees to make it a “friendly” separation ends up with hurt feelings on one side or the other. Or maybe even both parties feel some hurt over the final ending.

What About The Children?

However, children are the ones who hurt most. These little ones have no say in how things go. All they know is that their family isn’t together anymore. They have to alternate homes and deal with the parents not being happy with each other from different home bases. They have clothes and toys at each house. Sometimes even the placement of these items is in dispute.

But, sadly the children are often used as pawns in the game. Each parent feels he/she is right and the other one is wrong for everything they did. Neither is too quick to accept blame for the outcome. But, they each need to build a personal army against the other. And thus, the children are targeted. Sometimes a parent will teach them to act as spies against the other parent.  Or they are used as bargaining chips.

Both Parents Are Responsible.

The truth is that both parents are to blame. Both are responsible for the relationship. Each of them made decisions that affected how the relationship proceeded and finally ended. Neither of them should put the children in the middle of this. Separation in any relationship should rest solely on the two parties in that relationship. No other person should be involved.

Children should remain protected from the hate toward the other parent under all circumstances no matter their age. Even an abusive parent can still have strong ties of love to his or her children. There must be respect for this love. However, in many cases, an abusive parent knows he or she will lose any battle if all things are equal.

Therefore, tipping the scales is the usual response. How sad it is that there are parents who are willing to poison the minds of their children against their other parent. There may be some parents who are unfit to be parents. I don’t think there are as many as those in the middle of divorce would have you believe. Most parents have an instinct to love their children more than anything else in the world and will protect them as much as they can.

But, children are gullible. From a very young age, they learn to trust both their parents without question. How hard it must be when a point in time arrives when they are told to disregard anything said by the other parent. Who do they hear? Often they choose the parent to obey from a sense of fear. The parent they know will love them no matter what is the parent who will be left behind. The child knows that love will always be there.

There Are No Perfect Parents.

None of us are perfect. Therefore, a perfect parent doesn’t exist. We are all flawed. We all make mistakes. Shame on any adult who influences a child against a parent. Children can see for themselves. They know what is right and wrong from a young age. Their pure hearts recognize love and its behaviors. They are less likely to look for flaws in others.

Children want to love and be loved. They are all about love. Children don’t care how you behave toward others. They care how you treat them. No matter how awful their parent is, they don’t need to know about it. They need their food, clothes, shelter, love, and attention. Leave the rest to the courts to work out.